Enter BENVOLIO, MERCUTIO, MERCUTIO’s PAGE, and OTHER FRAT BROS
BENVOLIO. Fucking hell let’s call it quits Mercutio. Can’t we just go to IHOP and eat big stacks of pancakes and eggs like every other hungover bitch? It’s hotter than hell, and the Capulet bros are wandering around like a bunch of fucking tools. I have this theory that I’m writing my thesis on, that when it’s hot out, our blood becomes hot, and that’s why we like to fight.
MERCUTIO. Jesus fuck, Benny! You’re like one of those drunk bastards who dropped out of college four years ago but still lives in the college town because they think the frat house is still open to them. You walk into the frat house, whip your dick out, and scream “Oh fuck I hope I don’t have to use this massive wang.” By your second drink, your cock slapping anyone who gets near.
BENVOLIO. Am I really like those guys?
MERCUTIO. Well shit Ben, when you want to get in a brawl, you find the smallest bullshit to fight about. Like when someone said Leo was still dreaming at the end of Inception. You fucked that guy’s shit up.
BENVOLIO. He was reunited with his kids! Why would he go and ruin that!?
MERCUTIO. I learned this in my sociology class: If there were only two Benvolio’s in the whole world, you would surely kill the other one at the same time as he killed you. You’re the fucker that would smack a bitch they were using a nutcracker (at Christmastime no less, you Jesus hating fuck) because your eyes are colored like a hazelnut. You’re the douche that would kick the arms out of a guy about to finish a kegstand because you did a kegstand earlier at the same party. You’re the guy that would slash the kiddie pool full of lube because you lost to the two Alpha Phi babes. And you’re the bitch that wants to teach me how to hold myself back when a fight is about to break out?data-url=”http://bromeoandjuliet.tumblr.com/post/23679303661/act-3-scene-one-part-one” data-text=”Act 3. Scene One. (Part One)”>