ROMEO. We’ll fucking get married. So… now. What? Do you want a tip or something for relaying these messages? Here’s a few bucks.
He pulls a crumpled, sweaty dollar out of his sock.
HOUSE MOTHER. No, no, it’s okay.
ROMEO. No go on. Take it.
HOUSE MOTHER. Well. Okay. So Juliet is going to meet you there this afternoon? Sounds just heavenly.
ROMEO. So here’s the plan. I made this ish up myself so get your crinkly deaf-ass ears close to hear this shit. I’m gonna like, sneak up to the Capulet house with my bad ass wolverine climbing boots from REI, then I’m gonna climb over the walls. I’ve got the core strength of a motherfucker. Then I’ll meet up with Juliet like a BAMF and plow that pussy ‘til all the soil is churned. You feel me? I’ll hit you up later, but don’t forget to tell Juliet all about my bro-tastic charms.
HOUSE MOTHER. May the lord bless and keep you young one. NOW LISTEN HERE!
ROMEO. Fucking what?
HOUSE MOTHER. Can your bro keep a secret? Haven’t you ever heard the saying about two conspirators who put one in jail. I can’t remember it.
ROMEO. My bro is Superman. The man of steel.
HOUSE MOTHER. Then listen here. I’ve been telling that wannabe slut Juliet that if she should really marry that business major Paris. After all, unlike you, he is good looking, going to make a shit load of money, and so what if he has the personality or sexiness-potential of a chronic PBR drinker? Tell me, young educated one. Doesn’t Rolling Rock and Romeo both start with an R?
ROMEO. Yeah no shit Sherlock.
HOUSE MOTHER. No you jokester, Sherlock’s the name of the dog. R stands for- ah shit I forgot. Well Juliet just says wonderful, beautiful, sometimes naughty, sometimes profane, things about you and Rolling Rock.
ROMEO. Okay. This scene has taken a new direction and no one is quite sure why. I’m going to employ some liberties and cut this shit short. Sorry Bill (Shakespeare). Give my love this picture of myself in my bathroom flexing and wearing white sunglasses.
HOUSE MOTHER. Yes, I shall look at it a thousand times. Peter!
PETER. Right here. Didn’t go anywhere. Apparently forgotten though.
HOUSE MOTHER. Let’s move. Get your fat ass in motion and don’t be jerking off to the picture of Romeo!data-url=”http://bromeoandjuliet.tumblr.com/post/18888396886/act-2-scene-four-part-seven” data-text=”Act 2. Scene Four. (Part Seven)”>
- bromeoandjuliet posted this